Self-love is frequently described as a cornerstone of psychological well-being, resilience, and actualisation. Yet despite its prominence in contemporary discourse, self-love remains surprisingly difficult to define and measure—particularly from a behavioural perspective. Its conceptual complexity reflects a long intellectual history marked by moral tension, theoretical divergence, and cultural variation. Understanding self-love, therefore, requires more than a single definition; it requires grappling with the multiple dimensions through which it is experienced, expressed, and enacted.

Self-love has been conceptualised and debated across centuries, with its meaning evolving from moral suspicion to psychological necessity. Scholars from philosophy, psychoanalysis, humanistic psychology, and cognitive-behavioural traditions have provided distinct yet overlapping interpretations of what it means to “love oneself.” These interpretations have collectively shaped the modern understanding of self-love as a multifaceted construct encompassing emotional, behavioural, and cognitive dimensions.

Every January, the same promises resurface.

This year I’ll finally love myself.
This year I’ll put myself first.
This year is about self-love.

It sounds healthy. Progressive. Even healing.

And yet—this is precisely why self-love should never be your New Year’s resolution.

Not because self-love is unimportant, but because turning it into a resolution misunderstands what self-love actually is.

Psychologists Ryan Brown and Jennifer Bosson explored this tension in their powerful paper, “Narcissus Meets Sisyphus.”
They describe how many of us — especially those with strong outer confidence — carry a quiet inner split: the clash between self-love and self-loathing.

What if being truly rational — wise, grounded, good at making decisions — actually begins with something as soft and human as love?

That’s what Oxford philosopher Edward Harcourt suggests in his work Self-Love and Practical Rationality. He asks: how do we become the kind of people who make sound choices and live meaningful lives? His answer is simple but profound.

Eva Henschke (2021) took on this challenge in her dissertation, aiming to clear the fog with a fresh definition and a tool to measure self-love scientifically.

As Underwood’s panel concluded, “self-care is a practice of self-compassion and self-empathy” — not perfection. It’s the small, daily decision to care for yourself like someone you’re learning to love.

And maybe that’s it — self-care isn’t about becoming your best self; it’s about caring for the self you already are.

A fascinating study from Southwest University in China A Qualitative Exploration of Chinese Self-Love explored how people there define and practice self-love. What they found highlights a powerful truth: loving yourself isn’t only about you — it’s about your family, your community, and even society as a whole.

It turns out, self-knowledge isn’t just about catching your thoughts like butterflies in a net. According to philosopher Jan Bransen in his article Self-Knowledge and Self-Love (2015), the surprising truth is: to truly know yourself, you first have to love yourself.

When most people hear “self-love,” they think of spa days, affirmations, or boosting self-esteem. But research shows that self-love runs much deeper. At its core lies self-acceptance: the ability to embrace every part of who you are — the bright strengths and the shadowy flaws — without judgment.

High five indeed! and it’s Jack E. Underwood Jr. research where he worked with experts to pin down a consensus definition of self-love he discovered the five core components that make self-love real and measurable in everyday life.

When life gets tough, many of us are quick to criticize ourselves. We replay mistakes, judge our shortcomings, and pile on pressure. But what if, instead of being our harshest critic, we became our own ally?

We hear a lot about self-esteem and self-love — and sometimes people use them like they’re the same thing. But while they’re related, they’re actually a little different.

Self-love is one of the most popular topics in psychology today — at least in popular culture. Scroll through Instagram, browse self-help books, or scan wellness blogs, and you’ll find endless tips about loving yourself. Yet here’s the surprising part: in academic psychology, self-love is still significantly under-researched.

Self-love is one of those ideas that feels simple but becomes complex the moment you start digging into it. Over the years, psychologists have viewed self-love through many different lenses — from emotions, to behaviors, to even personality disorders.

“Love yourself” is common advice in today’s world. But sometimes, self-love gets confused with narcissism — and that confusion can make people skeptical of the whole idea. So, what’s the difference?