The Evolution of Self-Love
Theoretical Perspectives and Historical Evolution
Self-love has been conceptualised and debated across centuries, with its meaning evolving from moral suspicion to psychological necessity. Scholars from philosophy, psychoanalysis, humanistic psychology, and cognitive-behavioural traditions have provided distinct yet overlapping interpretations of what it means to “love oneself.” These interpretations have collectively shaped the modern understanding of self-love as a multifaceted construct encompassing emotional, behavioural, and cognitive dimensions.
Early Interpretations and the Moral Suspicion of Self-Love
Historically, self-love was treated with ambivalence or moral caution. Early theological and philosophical traditions, such as those influenced by Calvinism and classical rationalism, often framed self-love as sinful or egoistic. Erich Fromm (1947) critiqued this tradition, noting that Western culture long equated self-love with selfishness, portraying it as the antithesis of virtue. Fromm argued instead that genuine self-love—defined by care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge of oneself—is a prerequisite for loving others. To love oneself, he asserted, is not narcissistic but an expression of maturity and wholeness, rooted in the capacity to extend love outward. Similarly, philosophers such as Aristotle and later Harcourt (2007) considered self-love integral to practical rationality—a condition of moral agency where a person’s self-regard aligns with ethical action. Harcourt proposed that self-love is not merely a cause of virtue but part of what it means to be a fully rational and well-formed agent, suggesting that moral integrity and self-affection are constitutively linked.
Psychoanalytic Perspective: Freud and the Emergence of Narcissism
Freud’s (1957) psychoanalytic framework introduced a more developmental and ambivalent understanding of self-love through the concept of narcissism. He viewed self-love as an essential stage of human development, beginning with primary narcissism, where an infant’s libido is directed inward to preserve the self. As development proceeds, this self-directed energy should ideally transition outward to form relationships and attachments—a process known as object love. However, when the libido remains fixated on the self, it leads to secondary or pathological narcissism, characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-importance and an inability to empathize with others.
Freud thus identified self-love as both vital and dangerous: essential for ego cohesion but potentially destructive when excessive. He posited that psychological health requires balance—a dynamic equilibrium between self-love and love for others. This notion remains relevant today, particularly as contemporary discussions on self-love emphasize self-care and personal worth but also warn, echoing Freud, against self-absorption that impedes connection and empathy. Later theorists (e.g., Campbell, Foster & Finkel, 2002) empirically distinguished healthy self-esteem from narcissism, showing that narcissistic self-views are agency-focused (dominance, competence), whereas genuine self-esteem integrates both agency and communion (care, morality).
Humanistic Perspective: Self-Love as Self-Actualization and Authenticity
Humanistic psychology, emerging in the mid-20th century, repositioned self-love as a cornerstone of personal growth, authenticity, and self-actualization. Rooted in the works of Fromm (1947), Rogers, and Maslow, the humanistic view emphasizes the inherent potential and worth of the individual. Self-love in this tradition is not self-indulgence but a deep respect for one’s own humanity—a recognition of intrinsic value independent of achievement or external approval.
From this perspective, self-love involves self-acceptance, empathy, authenticity, and care, forming the foundation for self-actualization—the realization of one’s fullest potential. It is through self-love that individuals develop resilience, autonomy, and purpose. Humanistic psychologists argue that self-love enables individuals to live in alignment with their true values and to extend compassion toward others. In this framework, self-love is differentiated from narcissism: whereas narcissism reflects inflated self-importance and a deficit in empathy, self-love is balanced, empathetic, and growth-oriented. This distinction is crucial for understanding self-love as a psychological virtue rather than a vice.
Moreover, contemporary humanistic thinkers, such as Maharaj and April (2013), have extended the humanistic view into organizational and leadership contexts, conceptualizing self-love as central to authentic and servant leadership. Their Constructs of Self-Love Model includes five interrelated dimensions: Self-Knowledge, Self-Acceptance, Self-Being, Self-Transcendence, and Self-Renewal. This model emphasizes self-love as a dynamic, continuous process that fosters not only individual well-being but also relational integrity and ethical leadership.
Cognitive-Behavioural Perspective: Self-Love as Learned Thought and Behaviour
Cognitive-behavioural frameworks approach self-love as a modifiable construct shaped by thought patterns, behaviours, and self-regulatory processes. This perspective integrates cognitive and behavioural principles to explain how self-love can be cultivated through the intentional restructuring of beliefs and actions. Cognitively, self-love involves recognizing and challenging maladaptive self-beliefs—such as perfectionism or chronic self-criticism—through techniques like cognitive restructuring and self-compassionate dialogue. Individuals are encouraged to replace negative self-talk with balanced, affirming, and rational statements, fostering a more compassionate self-concept.
Behaviourally, self-love manifests in consistent acts of self-care and self-respect, including setting boundaries, attending to personal needs, and engaging in health-promoting activities. Such behaviours reinforce cognitive shifts, creating a positive feedback loop between thought and action. This model also distinguishes between self-love and self-esteem: self-esteem depends on evaluative judgments and external validation, whereas self-love reflects unconditional acceptance and intrinsic self-worth. Cognitive-behavioural approaches highlight that true self-love is unconditional and non-contingent, grounded in acceptance rather than achievement.
An additional feature within this framework is the notion of self-contact—a state of self-awareness characterized by attentiveness to one’s emotions, thoughts, and needs. Self-contact enables individuals to act in alignment with their authentic selves, thereby reinforcing genuine self-love. In sum, cognitive-behavioural perspectives conceptualize self-love as both a cognitive process (the cultivation of compassionate self-beliefs) and a behavioural practice (self-care and boundary maintenance), leading to enhanced well-being and psychological resilience.
Integrative and Contemporary Approaches
Recent interdisciplinary research has sought to integrate the affective, behavioural, and cognitive aspects of self-love into unified frameworks. For instance, Henschke’s (2021) Self-Love Questionnaire conceptualizes self-love as comprising three pillars: Self-Contact, Self-Acceptance, and Self-Care, aligning with both cognitive-behavioural and humanistic principles. Similarly, Underwood’s (2020) Delphi study positioned self-love as a multidimensional construct that unites self-compassion, self-care, and self-worth—each essential for psychological balance and self-actualization.
Moreover, contemporary empirical work (e.g., Campbell et al., 2002; Brown & Bosson, 2001) continues to differentiate authentic self-love from narcissistic self-focus, echoing the philosophical divide first articulated by Hume and Malebranche in the 18th century. Whereas grandeur and vanity are socially inflated forms of self-regard dependent on external admiration, genuine self-love is self-correcting and relationally grounded—it grows through empathy, reflection, and moral integrity.
The concept of self-love has undergone a significant epistemological evolution—from moral suspicion and theological taboo to a central construct in theories of well-being, authenticity, and psychological health. Across traditions, a consistent theme emerges: self-love is both the foundation and the regulator of human flourishing.
Freud’s psychoanalysis framed it as a necessary but risky developmental force; humanistic psychology redefined it as a condition for growth and authenticity; cognitive-behavioural science operationalized it as a set of learnable cognitions and actions; and contemporary models integrate these strands into holistic, evidence-based approaches to self-care and mental health.
In essence, self-love today is understood as a balanced, multidimensional construct—an enduring stance of acceptance, compassion, and respect toward oneself that fosters growth, empathy, and connectedness. It is the steady practice of relating to oneself with care, honesty, and acceptance. When understood in this way, self-love becomes neither self-centred nor self-sacrificing, but integrative—supporting growth while preserving connection. Rather than standing in opposition to empathy or ethics, self-love emerges as their quiet foundation: a way of being with oneself that makes resilience, integrity, and authentic relationship possible.
Until next time remember…To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. (Oscar Wilde) so keep at it.
Love,
SLS community
